what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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