cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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