I want you more than these girls want KFC
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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