Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
