I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
