Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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