i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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