I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
