he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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