hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize