yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
