we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
