you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
