ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
