Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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