She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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