How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
