You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
