Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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