A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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