i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
