it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
