Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
