she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
