he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
