I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
