i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
