I smell stomach acid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
