Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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