That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
