i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
