I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
