Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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