I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
