Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
