nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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