is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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