apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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