A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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