That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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