I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize