I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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