I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
