She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize