I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
