ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
