Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
