oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
