Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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