We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
