I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
