sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just google imaged poop.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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