standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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