I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
