Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
