I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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