I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
