Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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