just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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