I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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