Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
