i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
