I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
