I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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