Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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