I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
