I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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