I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
