my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Houston, we have a squirter
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
