took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
