I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize