we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
