I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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