@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
