the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
