I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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