yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
