just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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