My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
