the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
