so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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