I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
