My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're a waste of cheezeits
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
