i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
