so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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