Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
