Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
