Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
