remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
