Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
