i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
