so that wasnt chicken after all
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
