i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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