alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
