cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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