You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
