did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
