my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize