i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
