I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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